It’s been a rough couple of weeks. The excitement of being in a big new city eventually wears off, and real life kicks in; sometimes it kicks you right in the head.
The bigger the city is, the lonelier it gets. Friendships made are often fleeting or intermittent, and you don’t really want to pour your heart out to people you haven’t known for very long. You want to be the fun party girl who people want around, not the girl who’s doing her best to keep it together. And what do you do when you can’t be that girl?
[Edited to remove whiney paragraph about breakup blahblah sadness blahblah no friends in China yet and so on]
The city gets lonelier the bigger it gets.
I want to stay in Beijing because we could be best friends if we gave each other a chance, and I haven’t given up on her bright lights yet. I want my job to work because I’m really only just getting started and I had/have such great plans for this. I want to be able to trust new friends enough to let them in. And I desperately want to be happy again.
For now I’m keeping my chin up.
Because somewhere in there, there’s still sunshine in her eyes.
What you don’t have now will come back again
You’ve got heart and you go in your own way